Tuesday, June 10, 2014


Sometimes I don't take off my makeup before I go to bed.

Other times, I leave my laundry sitting in the dryer for days (yes, I said days). 

I procrastinate beyond belief, and I tend to neglect my responsibilities.

I am sharp-tongued and often too critical of others.

I am indecisive.

I am selfish.

I am impatient. 

Sometimes I hate myself. I mean really hate myself for no reason at all.

However, out of all of my weaknesses, I feel that my reluctance to trust others to remain true to their word is the most paramount. Stemming from being over-analytical to a fault, I find myself preparing to emotionally pull out of any situation or relationship that changes ever-so-slightly from what it used to be. As soon as everything starts to lose its rosy hue, it takes all the strength I have to not tuck my tail between my legs and sulk away, whispering to myself that I knew everything was too good to be true.

I have the tendency to become emotionally attached very quickly. I love too deeply, and have a heart so big that I sometimes trip over it. As a result, I am constantly prepared to be let down, so as to protect myself from being left behind in the dust, knocked flat on my ass. I have a hard time giving others the benefit of the doubt, even if they have done nothing but prove to me that that they deserve it more than anyone I have ever met.

Trusting others to be true to their word is something I am constantly working on, if for no other reason than the person in question deserves my full and steadfast confidence. How incredibly selfish and ridiculous it is to assume that because of some insignificant and undetectable shift in dynamic, I am about to be tossed aside like that dress you spilled a glass of pinot noir down the front of; once adored, but now useless.  

We, as sentient human beings, are masters of our own fates. By reacting adversely to that phone call that didn't come, or that hug that was milliseconds shorter than the last, who is to say that I am not reversely pushing someone away? I am allowing myself to miss opportunities and ruin relationships because I am pathetically responding to these inconsequential factors that I am wholeheartedly convinced are subtle hints that I am expected to pick up on. 

I am slowly learning to just be content with the present, and allowing others to have my undiminished trust until they show me they don't deserve it. Putting your whole heart into something is terrifying, but I am finding that I'm infinitely happier when I do. Instead of playing the part of a fortune teller and predicting what everyone around me is thinking and feeling, I am trying to just allow people to be accountable for themselves.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

<3 Bre

Monday, February 24, 2014

Come Alive

In keeping with my usual procrastinating self (I mean, I graduate in two months so why change now? Am I right?) I found myself thinking about potential blog posts this afternoon instead of working on an assignment that is due tomorrow.

And now here we are...

I am going to let you in on a secret about myself: I love enthusiastic people. There is nothing more captivating than someone who is truly passionate about something, and has no problem showing it. It took me a while to pinpoint the quality that makes a personality just a little bit more magical, but I've recently discovered that it is this, enthusiasm, that adds that certain sparkle to an already magnetic soul.

If you know me, you know that I have an extreme affinity for quotes and song lyrics. I keep a small leather journal that is filled with my own scribblings, interjected with my favorite sayings and passages. I often have trouble stringing my own thoughts and feelings into comprehensible sentences, and have found that, usually, someone else has already done so in a more eloquent and vivid way than I ever could.

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

How incredible it is to imagine that you might only be existing, instead of being alive.

I pride myself on my ability to read people, and imagine that I possess a very intuitive charisma. More often than not, I am able to get a good glimpse of a person's soul simply by being in their presence for a period of time. I have found that the people that I truly connect with are always those who display an enthusiasm for something. Whether it be life, friendship, the outdoors, cooking, music, cats, or hell, even underwater basket-weaving...they are alive and on fire for something, and it shows.

"...what the world needs is people who have come alive."

I can only hope that the reiteration of that phrase has the same effect on you as it does me.

What kind of world would we live in if enthusiasm didn't exist? If apathy and indifference reigned
supreme over exhilaration and vivacity. Take note of how beautiful those last words sound compared to the former...

What I am trying to convey through all of this rambling is the idea to be alive. Be enthusiastic. Live dynamically, and with conviction. Find your passion and let the world know what it is. Let it explode out of your fingertips. Leave people stunned in your wake, wondering how one person could possibly have that much life inside of them.

"The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire."

Come alive.


Friday, February 7, 2014

We Have Only This Moment

"The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it's really a different kind of life."

Very recently, I have gone through some big plot twists in my life. You know, those ones that you never see coming, but once they're in view they're harder to stop than an oncoming semi?? Yeah, those. After dusting myself off, I decided it was high time to make some changes. Pretty soon I will be out in the "real world," and to be perfectly honest, I'm not too excited about the idea of putting my current self out there as-is.

As someone who lives their life around the anticipated actions and feelings of others, I have always relied on carefully calculated maneuvers that will keep everything around me in perfect harmony. My first instinct has always been to step back and only make my moves once I know what everyone else is going to do. To sacrifice my own satisfaction and self-worth to make sure that everyone else gets what they want. And you know what...?


Honestly?! Where did that mentality come from? I now know for a fact that it doesn't leave you any better off, and quite frankly, that behavior has the potential to leave you more bitter and resentful than you would ever imagine. And if you are anything like me, I probably have a pretty good idea of what you're thinking right now...

I'm incapable of being selfish.

What if I piss someone off? I can't deal with making people mad.

I'm more comfortable this way, it's how I've always been.

Blah, blah, blah. The list goes on for miles...

Why should we continue to make ourselves miserable, so that everyone around us can be happy? And who says that they (those people we are so desperately concerned about) wouldn't be happy if we did what we wanted to?? And why are we so desperately concerned about them??? And what do we get out of all of this????

Nothing. That's what.

We, these overly caring, pacifistic, people-pleasing martyrs get absolutely nothing. No benefit, no personal gain, not even our own happiness to cling to, because all of those things and more are being stifled by some innate desire to know what everyone is going to think and do before we can act, ourselves.

Very recently, I have experienced true bliss for the first time in a long time. And you know why? Because I have started on this daunting journey of doing what I want, and of putting my feelings first. I can promise you that there is no better sensation than feeling so completely content and free that you just simply do not know what to do with yourself. You want to run, scream, and explode simultaneously. Yeah, pretty fucking awesome. I'm not writing all of this to give you the go-ahead to be a self-righteous douche who expects everyone to duck under their big feet as they go stomping around to get their way. I'm talking about the little things. The little actions that people like us smother because we don't want to upset or offend anyone who might not see eye-to-eye with us.

That guy you have a thing for? Tell him. (Yes, this is terrifying for me as well)

You're already 5'9" but you wanna take those four-inch platform wedges for a spin? Wear the hell out of them.

Someone looks at you funny because you're blasting [insert embarrassing musical artist here] in the parking garage? Turn it up louder.

You would really rather not go to that "awesome rager."? Say no.

We have ONE LIFE, PEOPLE. THIS IS IT. Don't look back and regret that you didn't go for that guy because he might not feel the same, or didn't wear those heels because people would stare. Your life is too precious to be wasting it on anyone but yourself. Someone isn't ready for you?? Oh well. Don't take it personally, pick your head up, and keep moving until you find someone that is. We are too incredible and magical to limit ourselves to fit into someone else's box. The people who are meant to appreciate you will find you and stay in your life, stop making yourself miserable by trying to, instead, find them.

I promise it'll be worth it.